Carried: Chemotherapy Reaction (Nausea, vomiting, itching, loss of hair, etc.)
“Bottom line, I feel I blew my life and didn't measure up, so I've been trying to atone by turning on myself.”
It shows as a verdict of having failed at life, a self-disgust and shame that says I should have done better and holds one personally accountable for everything, answered by self-punishment and the repudiation of one's own wants. Beneath it lies a returned infant helplessness, the old abandonment reopened. It was set by a role-reversing, perfectionistic family who leaned on the child for everything and allowed no room to fall short. Where the self-punishment runs deep, its care belongs with someone trained to help. What it asks for is to let the sentence of unfitness be appealed rather than carried out.
The hunger artist, who starved himself for others' regard and, still feeling unfit, kept fasting past all reason to prove a worth he never felt. The form implies a task: to stop starving oneself to atone for a failure that was never wholly one's own.
- Essence
- The Burden
- Rule
- I feel I blew my life and didn't measure up, so I atone by turning on myself.
- Body zone
- The body turning on itself; a verdict of unfitness
- Archetype
- The Hunger Artist
- Emotional theme
- Self-disgust and shame at having failed to measure up
- Behavioural pattern
- Self-punishment; holding oneself accountable for everything; repudiating one's wants
- Family dynamic
- A role-reversing, perfectionistic family who depended on the child and allowed no latitude
- Core wound
- I feel I blew my life and didn't measure up, so I atone by turning on myself.
- Exit
- Letting the sentence of unfitness be appealed rather than carried out.
What is the "Carried: Chemotherapy Reaction (Nausea, vomiting, itching, loss of hair, etc.)" pattern?
It shows as a verdict of having failed at life, a self-disgust and shame that says I should have done better and holds one personally accountable for everything, answered by self-punishment and the repudiation of one's own wants. Beneath it lies a returned infant helplessness, the old abandonment reopened. It was set by a role-reversing, perfectionistic family who leaned on the child for everything and allowed no room to fall short. Where the self-punishment runs deep, its care belongs with someone trained to help. What it asks for is to let the sentence of unfitness be appealed rather than carried out.
What does "Carried: Chemotherapy Reaction (Nausea, vomiting, itching, loss of hair, etc.)" sound like when it shows up?
Bottom line, I feel I blew my life and didn't measure up, so I've been trying to atone by turning on myself.
What is the archetypal form of "Carried: Chemotherapy Reaction (Nausea, vomiting, itching, loss of hair, etc.)"?
The hunger artist, who starved himself for others' regard and, still feeling unfit, kept fasting past all reason to prove a worth he never felt. The form implies a task: to stop starving oneself to atone for a failure that was never wholly one's own.
This is a pattern. Not a verdict.
It appears in many lives.
Decoded2times