Carried: Face Nerve Pains (Severe) (III)

The daily conduct of life is experienced as impersonation: the competence is manufactured, the demands are out of scale with what feels available, and the resentment about maintaining the act runs alongside the fear of dropping it. What is being fled is not any particular obligation but the self that was declared unacceptable early, in a household that expected a great deal, gave affection on terms, and made the terms punitive. The face carries the pain of a communication that cannot be made honestly. What the shape asks for is one exchange conducted without the performance running.

I'm faking all of it, competently, and I resent every hour of the performance.

Peter at the fire, disowning what he was three times before the night ended, and finding out afterwards what the disowning cost. The form implies a task: to claim the connection once out loud, whatever the room does with it.