Pushed away: Alfalfa
“By the time I notice I needed something, it's usually a fortnight too late.”
It functions without a working signal for its own need, so the request never gets made, not out of pride but because the information arrives long after the moment it would have been useful. A childhood spent being self-sustaining and non-requiring, often while running some part of the household, meant the internal instrument that registers depletion was never calibrated, and an uncalibrated instrument reads nothing rather than reading wrong. What it asks for is to check the reading at a fixed hour rather than waiting for it to announce itself.
It echoes the crane wife at the loom, working through the night behind a door nobody was allowed to open, taking the material out of her own body and saying nothing about the cost. The form implies a task: to open the door before the weaving is finished.
- Essence
- The Unfed
- Rule
- Nobody there was going to ask, so I stopped keeping track.
- Substance / Activity
- Alfalfa
- Archetype
- The Crane Wife
- Emotional theme
- The signal for one's own need never calibrated
- Behavioural pattern
- Self-denial; over-responsibility; needs unregistered rather than refused
- Family dynamic
- Childhood spent self-sustaining and non-requiring, often in a parental role, with blame freely assigned
- Core wound
- Nobody there was going to ask, so I stopped keeping track.
- Exit
- Checking the reading at a fixed hour rather than waiting for it to announce itself.
What is the "Pushed away: Alfalfa" pattern?
It functions without a working signal for its own need, so the request never gets made, not out of pride but because the information arrives long after the moment it would have been useful. A childhood spent being self-sustaining and non-requiring, often while running some part of the household, meant the internal instrument that registers depletion was never calibrated, and an uncalibrated instrument reads nothing rather than reading wrong. What it asks for is to check the reading at a fixed hour rather than waiting for it to announce itself.
What does "Pushed away: Alfalfa" sound like when it shows up?
By the time I notice I needed something, it's usually a fortnight too late.
What is the archetypal form of "Pushed away: Alfalfa"?
It echoes the crane wife at the loom, working through the night behind a door nobody was allowed to open, taking the material out of her own body and saying nothing about the cost. The form implies a task: to open the door before the weaving is finished.
This is a pattern. Not a verdict.
It appears in many lives.