Pushed away: Kidney Meat
“I stopped feeling much around fourteen and it's been considerably easier since.”
It has taken feeling itself out of service, not merely closeness or desire but the whole internal register, and what is left runs efficiently and reports very little. The household could not be relied on at any point, and a child in an unreliable house discovers that the part of them which registers what is happening is the part that hurts, so that part gets switched off rather than defended. What it asks for is one feeling noticed and named while it is still happening, with nothing required to follow.
It echoes Peter Munk, who traded his beating heart for one made of stone and found that everything afterwards was manageable, profitable, and entirely without sensation. The form implies a task: to ask what the stone was bought with.
- Essence
- The Withheld Fire
- Rule
- The part of me that felt it was the part getting hurt, so I turned it off.
- Substance / Activity
- Kidney meat
- Archetype
- Peter Munk
- Emotional theme
- Feeling withdrawn from service as a whole
- Behavioural pattern
- Love-, sexuality- and intimacy-deflection; sealed self-protection; the inner register switched off
- Family dynamic
- Highly untrustworthy family environment in which registering what happened was the painful part
- Core wound
- The part of me that felt it was the part getting hurt, so I turned it off.
- Exit
- Noticing and naming one feeling while it is happening, with nothing required to follow.
What is the "Pushed away: Kidney Meat" pattern?
It has taken feeling itself out of service, not merely closeness or desire but the whole internal register, and what is left runs efficiently and reports very little. The household could not be relied on at any point, and a child in an unreliable house discovers that the part of them which registers what is happening is the part that hurts, so that part gets switched off rather than defended. What it asks for is one feeling noticed and named while it is still happening, with nothing required to follow.
What does "Pushed away: Kidney Meat" sound like when it shows up?
I stopped feeling much around fourteen and it's been considerably easier since.
What is the archetypal form of "Pushed away: Kidney Meat"?
It echoes Peter Munk, who traded his beating heart for one made of stone and found that everything afterwards was manageable, profitable, and entirely without sensation. The form implies a task: to ask what the stone was bought with.
This is a pattern. Not a verdict.
It appears in many lives.