Pushed away: Kidney Meat

It has taken feeling itself out of service, not merely closeness or desire but the whole internal register, and what is left runs efficiently and reports very little. The household could not be relied on at any point, and a child in an unreliable house discovers that the part of them which registers what is happening is the part that hurts, so that part gets switched off rather than defended. What it asks for is one feeling noticed and named while it is still happening, with nothing required to follow.

I stopped feeling much around fourteen and it's been considerably easier since.

It echoes Peter Munk, who traded his beating heart for one made of stone and found that everything afterwards was manageable, profitable, and entirely without sensation. The form implies a task: to ask what the stone was bought with.